“I Hate Us.”
-CPT Adam Rivette
Those three words are the greatest testament to the love/hate relationship I have with the Army. I’ll tell you the background some other time, but let me first explain why it’s true right now.
I am typing this in the dark. I have no light on my side of the room. My light bulb burned out a couple days ago while I was on QRF. Since QRF takes me away from the Camp for 24 hours, I didn’t notice it until several hours ago. I went to the Mayor’s Cell to get a new one. The Mayor’s Cell is where the day to day running of the Camp is conducted. The theory is it allows the commander’s to focus on warfighting while someone else manages the rooms, linen, trash, etc…
I went into the Mayor’s Cell and asked for a new light bulb. “You’ll need to fill out a work order, you’re not allowed to change your own light bulb.” Notice the lack of “sir”? Yup, they are WAY more important and too busy for that. ANYWAYS, a work order? For a light bulb? I said I would do that if they could admit it was ridiculous. They wouldn’t. It made sense to them because “people were putting the wrong light bulbs in and blowing the circuits.” Did you hear the “sir” that time? Me neither. ANYWAYS, maybe if you GAVE them the light bulbs they wouldn’t put the wrong ones in? ANYWAYS, I lashed back the only way I know. Sarcasm. I took three paragraphs to explain precisely what I needed done. Change the light bulb. Hey, it said be specific. I was almost ready to be done when I noticed the note “Draw Sketch on back.” Not a Problem. I drew as concise and detailed sketch as I could manage, labeling everything from the beds, the lockers, the desks, my roommate’s light bulb (labeled as “works, don’t fix”) down to the “misc. boxes” on top of the lockers. For the Arlo Guthrie fans out there, it had “circles and arrows drawn on it to be used as evidence against me.” I didn’t want to risk it not being up to standards, so I asked the highest ranking worker in there to confirm what I needed done was clear. He was confused. “I’ve never seen anyone draw a sketch before, I don’t think you need it.” After discussing it with him for a few minutes he finally got it and said “sir, I can’t turn this in.” Why couldn’t he turn it in…because it was insulting to them. Yeah. He really didn’t get it.
Two days ago I got linen (sheets, a pillowcase, and a comforter) for my bed. I bought my own awhile ago, but I realized if I got another set I could rotate them through the laundry and not miss a beat. ANYWAYS, I thought I’d be a nice guy and grab a set for my roommate as well….can you see where this is going? What do you think the outcome was? Yeah, I have a commission from the President of the United States. I am charged with THE LIVES of 30 men. I have the mission of taking them into places where people want to kill them, accomplishing the mission, and then bring them all back safe and sound. Everyday. I am signed for and personally responsible for tens of millions of dollars worth of equipment. I am trusted with grenades, missiles, and enough weapons to liberate Cuba. Twice. Now…am I trustworthy enough to sign for TWO sets of linen?
C’mon...
I can’t even change my own light bulb.
I Hate Us.
-adam
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Ahhh, I'm sure thats the spirit that makes Us strong! Hand out bullets and bombs like candy, but gods forbid you want a lightbulb or sheets - can you imagine what one could do with those?!
You couldn't have said it better Bro. Having been a former member of the Liberty community (we called it East LA - shortened from East LSA) I can remember well the frustrations with the dick-heads at the mayor's cell. Hell, back when the terps lived down in the tents behind the DFAC I was consistently harassed for visiting and drinking chai with them to the point that CI was looking into my "illicit" activities. So much for the unquestionable loyalty of an officer with 14 years of devoted service to his country!!!
Adam,
Imagine the safety issues with you changing your own lightbulb. That would have to be a pretty hefty ORM in order to allow you to do that. They probably wouldn't have been happy to see my Marines jerry rigging the power at my FOB to hard wire the toaster right into the wall wiring. Pretty shady.
Oh, and make sure on your next mission you pick up some Tiger Tails at one of the local markets. Stay away from Choco Tot Tot's though, they are horrendous.
Hey Meyer Lanskey ... We saw how effective a well-thrown chair is to get people moving in Hohenfels once. I suggest you try this tactic next time you need a bulb and/or linen. And about the liberating Cuba thing... when you do start that up, let me know... you know I'm down!
Hi Adam! I'm really loving your blog and feel that I should reciprocate. When you were in Kosovo I believe I kept you updated on Ally McBeal so just let me know which bad tv show you'd like recaps on this time.
As for your light bulb situation, I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere. How many 1st Lieutenants does it take to change a light bulb? None, they don't have the clearance.
(Sorry if this post shows up twice. I typed one and lost it somehow so had to type it again.)
Post a Comment